El Laberinto del fauno (Pan's Labyrinth)

Rating:
Rated R for graphic violence and some language.

Who's in it:
Lot's of Spanish or otherwise foreign people us ignorant Americans don't know. If you'd like to find out, check out Pan's Labyrinth at IMDb.com

Who Directed it:
Guillermo del Toro (Hellboy, Blade II, Mimic)

Plot:
Um, okay. So, this movie was not at all what I was expecting. It was very much about the Spanish civil war, and not as much about the fantasy, Ofelia crawling into not so proverbial rabbit hole. There are basically two plots going on in this movie. The first one we are introduced to is our main character, Ofelia, made to move with her mother who has just married an evil war general who has orders to put down the resistance in the area. Ofelia's mother is also pregnant with his son, which causes her much pain and problems. Along with this plot, a woman named Mercedes helps Ofelia and her mother, and also helps the rebels; this also causes many problems. So, then, on to what I thought the movie was going to be mainly about, the fantasy stuff. Ofelia discovers a labyrinth (hence the name) and a hole in the center of it with a really cool yet creepy stair case leading down to the bottom. In this pit, she meets some kind of faun thing, who is a bit creepy looking himself. He tells her that she is a princess who's real father is the king of the underworld and to return to her father's kingdom, she needs to complete three tasks. The first two she gets to fairly early on in the movie, and the second one was rather scary and creepy beyond all belief, reminding me of a movie no one should see because it is so demonic: Silent Hill.

Moral teaching:
Um...don't...torture people? Uh, don't, be evil? Uh...m...don't get pregnant? No, no, none of those. I'm thinking more along the lines of, when the real world gets really awful, and people that you care about start dying, dream up some creepy imaginary world to escape to! No, just kidding. It's about how kids can be courageous and over come impossible odds and the power of women and their usefulness during times of war and necessity. This movie is NOT about forgiveness.

Content:
It's really violent with several scenes involving torture and its aftereffects, lots of blood and swearing (in Spanish) and a many uses of guns in the killing of people. There is no sex or nudity in this movie what so ever.

Rollerskates:
I gotta give this movie a 5 out of 5 Rollerskates for quality of movie, but a solid 4 out of 5 for questionable content.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters

Rating: Rated R for crude and sexual humor, violent images and language.

Who's in it: Um, no know one you'd know, but if you're interested, check out the IMDb.com page: Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters

Who Directed it: The guys who directed the series.

Plot: Um, there isn't one. Really. This the best movie I've ever seen that doesn't have a plot. There's kind of a convoluted plot involving the origin of the main characters (Fry, Shake and Meatwad...yes those are their names, yes that is what they are), but, it is SO completely convoluted, confusing, and, honestly, meant to confuse the crap out of you and not make any sense what so ever, it's just easier to say that it doesn't have a plot...'cus it really doesn't.

Moral teaching: Um...uh..., don't, ... don't drink a white substance which your "friend" hands you and tells you it's milk........when it's really mayonnaise? Or, uh, don't... don't let that guy who is a robot chicken (no, not like the series) and claims he's the ghost of Christmas past (no, this movie has nothing to do with Christmas) start telling a story because he won't ever stop. Or, uh, um,... don't ever, ever, under any circumstances, listen to a talking shake. But, honestly, probably, but best moral teaching this movie has to offer, it "Don't watch this movie." 'Cus this movie is about as a-moral as they come.

Content: Well, it is animated, so, it's not as bad as other live action movies where they feature full frontal tooth brushing (ex: Stranger than Fiction). But, it IS offensive. "Crude sexual humor": check, offensive language including F-words: check. Violent images including but not limited to a persons entire muscle structure being ripped out: check. (Don't see this movie).

Rollerskates: I can't, in good conscience, give this movie above a 3 out of 5 Rollerskates. I really want to, since I'm a big fan of the serious. This movie held true to the series plot devices and ridiculous, random and funny duologue, etc. It gets a good solid 4.5 out of 5 Skates for content.

(ps: the best part of this movie isn't even in the movie, but the very odd, weird, awesome opening explaining what not to do. Which is interesting because one of the things it says not to do is record the movie from the movie theater,...which is what this video is)

Spider Man III

Rating: Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense action violence.

Who's in it: Tobey Maguire (The Cider House Rules, Pleasantville, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, The Ice Storm, S.F.W....oh yeah, and the other spider movies)

Kirsten Dunst (The Virgin Suicides, Small Soldiers, Jumanji, Little Women, Interview with the Vampire...oh yeah, and the other spider movies)

James Franco (Flyboys, Annapolis, City by the Sea, Never Been Kissed, oh yeah, and the other spider movies), Thomas Haden Church
(Spanglish, Sideways, George of the Jungle 2 , 3000 Miles to Graceland, Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight, remember him from wings?)

Chris...Topher Grace (In Good Company, Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!, Traffic, "That '70s Show" )

Bryce Dallas Howard (Lady in the Water, The Village, How the Grinch Stole Christmas)

J.K. Simmons (Thank You for Smoking, The Ladykillers, The Mexican, "The Closer", "The West Wing", "Law & Order")

Bruce Campbell (Bubba Ho-tep, McHale's Navy, Escape from L.A., The Hudsucker Proxy, Army of Darknes, Evil Dead II)

Stan Lee (X-Men: The Last Stand, Fantastic Four, Spider-Man 2 ... oh yeah, and the writer of the original comic book)

Who Directed it: Sam Raimi (A Simple Plan, The Quick and the Dead, Army of Darkness, Darkman, Evil Dead II, The Evil Dea, ...oh yeah, and the other spider movies)

Plot: Can't tell ya much about the plot without giving it away. However, I will tell you this: this third movie wraps up all the plot elements from the first two. So, if you've been watching them you know what I'm talking about.

Moral teaching: You can chose who you want to be, good or bad, either way, it's your choice. The black oil goop, crawly thing is very much an allegory to sin, and the characters in the movie who get attacked by it and made to feel good by doing bad, have a choice weather or not to continue.

Content: Eh, a smooch or two, some vicious spidey dancing, a bit of cleavage (sure to set off your spidey senses,... ahem). Also, lots of comic book style fighting and action, some blood, I wouldn't say it has gore at all, but some good punches and guys heads hitting brick walls, etc... fun stuff.

Rollerskates: I'm gonna say that this movie is....good. Better than the second, I don't think it's better than the first, but it IS good. Some quite cheesy parts in it, I thought they could have not have made Parker so nerdy at the beginning. The visual effects were AMAZING. When The Sandman was becoming...the Sandman, I was like "holy freekin' cow! This is like, beautiful, it's like a piece of art!" 4 Rollerskates out of 5, and 2 out of 5 for content.

Hot Fuzz

Rating: Rated R for violent content including some graphic images, and language.


Who's in it: Simon Pegg (Mission: Impossible III, Land of the Dead, Shaun of the Dead), Martin Freeman (The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Shaun of the Dead) Bill Nighy (Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, Underworld: Evolution, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Shaun of the Dead, Underworl, Love Actually) and, of course, Nick Frost (Shaun of the Dead).
Okay, so, as you may have noticed, many of these people were all in Shaun of the Dead. Well, that is because most of these people are friends how have worked on things before, namely a show called "Spaced", which was a hit, 14 episode comedy. What you might not have noticed if you clicked on any of the links above, was that Simon Pegg (who plays the main character) also co-wrote Hot Fuzz and Shaun of the Dead along with Edgar Wright, who also wrote episodes (perhaps all) for "Spaced."

Plot: Sergeant Nicholas Angel (Played by Simon Pegg) is the best police officer in London, but makes the whole force look bad since is he so good. So, they make him leave. They transfer him out to a little town in the country, Sandford, where nothing ever happens. However, of course, something does happen. People starrt dieing, but everyone assumes they are accidents, but not Angel, he thinks there is something sinister behind the deaths. However, he's not the detective, he's just a good cop, and so, his hands are tied. But the deaths don't stop, and he is convinced there is something going on int he little village of Sandford, but can't convince anyone of it.

Moral teaching: Stand up for what you know is right, even if everyone else doesn't agree with you. The main character doesn't believe in God, though he is open to it, but he still knows what's right. Even family can be wrong, and you have to stand up to them if they are.

Content: This movie is violent, plain and simple. Lots of gun fights (towards the end), and blood and gore through out. If you're at all squeemish, don't see it. But I will say this, although it is bloody, it is still a comedy, so the blood and gore, in my opinion, has less of a negative effect on one's mood compared to a horror flick with tons of blood, gore, and torture (whic this film has none). Also, there is a scene in which a woman wears novilty breasts over her police uniform.

Rollerskates: I give this good action flick a 5 out o 5 rollerskates. And a good solid 4 out of 5 for offensive content.