El Laberinto del fauno (Pan's Labyrinth)

Rating:
Rated R for graphic violence and some language.

Who's in it:
Lot's of Spanish or otherwise foreign people us ignorant Americans don't know. If you'd like to find out, check out Pan's Labyrinth at IMDb.com

Who Directed it:
Guillermo del Toro (Hellboy, Blade II, Mimic)

Plot:
Um, okay. So, this movie was not at all what I was expecting. It was very much about the Spanish civil war, and not as much about the fantasy, Ofelia crawling into not so proverbial rabbit hole. There are basically two plots going on in this movie. The first one we are introduced to is our main character, Ofelia, made to move with her mother who has just married an evil war general who has orders to put down the resistance in the area. Ofelia's mother is also pregnant with his son, which causes her much pain and problems. Along with this plot, a woman named Mercedes helps Ofelia and her mother, and also helps the rebels; this also causes many problems. So, then, on to what I thought the movie was going to be mainly about, the fantasy stuff. Ofelia discovers a labyrinth (hence the name) and a hole in the center of it with a really cool yet creepy stair case leading down to the bottom. In this pit, she meets some kind of faun thing, who is a bit creepy looking himself. He tells her that she is a princess who's real father is the king of the underworld and to return to her father's kingdom, she needs to complete three tasks. The first two she gets to fairly early on in the movie, and the second one was rather scary and creepy beyond all belief, reminding me of a movie no one should see because it is so demonic: Silent Hill.

Moral teaching:
Um...don't...torture people? Uh, don't, be evil? Uh...m...don't get pregnant? No, no, none of those. I'm thinking more along the lines of, when the real world gets really awful, and people that you care about start dying, dream up some creepy imaginary world to escape to! No, just kidding. It's about how kids can be courageous and over come impossible odds and the power of women and their usefulness during times of war and necessity. This movie is NOT about forgiveness.

Content:
It's really violent with several scenes involving torture and its aftereffects, lots of blood and swearing (in Spanish) and a many uses of guns in the killing of people. There is no sex or nudity in this movie what so ever.

Rollerskates:
I gotta give this movie a 5 out of 5 Rollerskates for quality of movie, but a solid 4 out of 5 for questionable content.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters

Rating: Rated R for crude and sexual humor, violent images and language.

Who's in it: Um, no know one you'd know, but if you're interested, check out the IMDb.com page: Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters

Who Directed it: The guys who directed the series.

Plot: Um, there isn't one. Really. This the best movie I've ever seen that doesn't have a plot. There's kind of a convoluted plot involving the origin of the main characters (Fry, Shake and Meatwad...yes those are their names, yes that is what they are), but, it is SO completely convoluted, confusing, and, honestly, meant to confuse the crap out of you and not make any sense what so ever, it's just easier to say that it doesn't have a plot...'cus it really doesn't.

Moral teaching: Um...uh..., don't, ... don't drink a white substance which your "friend" hands you and tells you it's milk........when it's really mayonnaise? Or, uh, don't... don't let that guy who is a robot chicken (no, not like the series) and claims he's the ghost of Christmas past (no, this movie has nothing to do with Christmas) start telling a story because he won't ever stop. Or, uh, um,... don't ever, ever, under any circumstances, listen to a talking shake. But, honestly, probably, but best moral teaching this movie has to offer, it "Don't watch this movie." 'Cus this movie is about as a-moral as they come.

Content: Well, it is animated, so, it's not as bad as other live action movies where they feature full frontal tooth brushing (ex: Stranger than Fiction). But, it IS offensive. "Crude sexual humor": check, offensive language including F-words: check. Violent images including but not limited to a persons entire muscle structure being ripped out: check. (Don't see this movie).

Rollerskates: I can't, in good conscience, give this movie above a 3 out of 5 Rollerskates. I really want to, since I'm a big fan of the serious. This movie held true to the series plot devices and ridiculous, random and funny duologue, etc. It gets a good solid 4.5 out of 5 Skates for content.

(ps: the best part of this movie isn't even in the movie, but the very odd, weird, awesome opening explaining what not to do. Which is interesting because one of the things it says not to do is record the movie from the movie theater,...which is what this video is)